Over the past couple of weeks, I've been making my way through an odd set of exercises in a book full of such total and unsurpassed wackadoo-ness that I mostly can't comprehend it. Over a decade and a half ago I came across it while clearing off a sharehouse bookshelf, where it had been left by my housemate's ex-boyfriend Michael. Its size, cover and binding had a holy-writ vibe so it really stuck out among the back-issues of THE FACE and large-format Taschen photo compilations of Pierre & Gilles. I grabbed it.
"Damo, what is this?"
My nostrils and eyelids flared. "Cool!" I eagerly flicked to find the crazy but the print was small and dense so nothing registered. It was true Michael himself had disappeared, but only to Sydney... I put the book in the hallway with the other piles because we had to paint the living room grey and throw a two-day party.
Overall, I'm super not liking this, but ok, Universe.
"Oh noooo!!! That is really oogie-boogie."
"Yeah? What's the idea?"
"Well, this Jewish psychiatrist wrote down all this stuff she said Jesus was dictating to her and it basically tells you you're projecting the entire world from your imagination, and then a guy who ran the CIA PROGRAM FOR BRAINWASHING PEOPLE published it in the seventies. If you do the workbook in the back you lose your mind and disappear."
My nostrils and eyelids flared. "Cool!" I eagerly flicked to find the crazy but the print was small and dense so nothing registered. It was true Michael himself had disappeared, but only to Sydney... I put the book in the hallway with the other piles because we had to paint the living room grey and throw a two-day party.
I didn't think of the book again until last year, when I got sucked into an internet wormhole and started reading up on the CIA's MKULTRA program. It sparked a memory of that weird book, which indeed had a connection to a CIA employee and the ESP research that was in the movie Men Who Stare At Goats. Some critics say the CIA man and the psychiatrist took the Hindu Vedanta and other theologies of non-dualism and rewrote them as though they were Christian. Some say they intended for the book to be disseminated among left-wing types so they'd dissociate into the inner world of their bellybuttons and get off the political scene.
I love to read about religions. I lean atheist except when I'm agnostic, but whether Jesus existed or didn't, I'm not all that cool with people saying they're channelling him. It's the sort of thing my devoutly Catholic Nanna and Granddad would have deeply disapproved of, and it could be seen as more than a little rude to go copying religious books into, like, other religions. But I had to get ahold of a copy of this book- I mean, the CIA writes a 'bible'!? How can you not read it!?
Funnily enough, when I started reading it, I didn't find it to have any kooky campiness value. It was actually very soothing and I really dug it. That's not to say I actually understood too much of it, but I was intrigued to learn what it was supposed to be on about so I started looking at books that kinda expounded and explained the message. I suppose I could have gone and found an English translation of the Vedanta or one of those non-dualist theologies, except that's actually only occurred to me this minute, but also, proper religions don't tend to have workbooks at the back of their scriptures, and I find I benefit from an imposed structure. The exercises are designed to get you to a state of mind where you can be OK with what the Universe chucks at you. So that you can see the opportunity for transformation that comes out of accepting circumstances that you wouldn't have chosen yourself. Seeing with eyes of love instead of eyes of fear. That sounds nice, and it's supposed to be easier to be peaceful, loving and happy that way. Apparently it only takes a year if you do one exercise a day.
There are hundreds of books-about-the-book. I bought one with pink typography written by a girl about my age with seriously lovely hair who lives in New York City, because I am a bit shallow and I liked the idea of there being a bit of girlie glam thrown into the woo-woo. She'd also shortened the workbook to 40 days of exercises. I'm sorta doing both sets. I wasn't concerned with 'believing in it' so much as I just started doing it, and it helped. I felt a little more patient, a little more content. Just relaxed and more often able to be mindful.
I kept it mostly to myself because everyone's favourite thing to hear is pontification on spiritualiteeeeeeeee, maaaaan, right? But one night not too long ago as I got into bed, I let go a real pearler. Something along the lines of: 'I kinda feel like you just have to go with what's going on, even when its bad because resisting what's going on is actually what's causing a good part of the pain. Y'know? It gets easier if you can take a deep breath and be like, I don't like this, but ok, Universe!'
Don't worry, I got my comeuppance for that platitude, and I better have been serious, because shortly after I said it, I was suddenly single. After ten years. It was a total shock. But then, it also explained why a Jewel song from the nineties that came on the radio the week before had gotten stuck in my head ever since (thank goodness, it's gone now).
At base level I'm a pretty happy, glass-half-full gal, and hearing myself complain brings me down. But this has made me so, so sad. But, I am also doing okay. I've been going really hard with the ugly-cry, but I have also been paying attention to how wonderful and caring my friends are, and how funny and lovely my parents are, and how kind my sister and my brother-in-common-law are. And these wackadoo exercises have kept me focused on not getting caught up in fears about the future. I have appreciated the reminders to acknowledge all that I am grateful for. Not-complaining isn't the same as being consciously and vocally appreciative of all that you have, and there's a lot. I'm paying attention to rightnow, and moment by moment I can make it work, and the moments seem to be getting longer. Sadness happens, and I'm just sitting there feeling it. It won't last forever. So thanks, CIA covert-brainwashing manual, and works derivative thereof. If I hadn't picked you up a couple months ago I might be in worse shape right now.
I love to read about religions. I lean atheist except when I'm agnostic, but whether Jesus existed or didn't, I'm not all that cool with people saying they're channelling him. It's the sort of thing my devoutly Catholic Nanna and Granddad would have deeply disapproved of, and it could be seen as more than a little rude to go copying religious books into, like, other religions. But I had to get ahold of a copy of this book- I mean, the CIA writes a 'bible'!? How can you not read it!?
Funnily enough, when I started reading it, I didn't find it to have any kooky campiness value. It was actually very soothing and I really dug it. That's not to say I actually understood too much of it, but I was intrigued to learn what it was supposed to be on about so I started looking at books that kinda expounded and explained the message. I suppose I could have gone and found an English translation of the Vedanta or one of those non-dualist theologies, except that's actually only occurred to me this minute, but also, proper religions don't tend to have workbooks at the back of their scriptures, and I find I benefit from an imposed structure. The exercises are designed to get you to a state of mind where you can be OK with what the Universe chucks at you. So that you can see the opportunity for transformation that comes out of accepting circumstances that you wouldn't have chosen yourself. Seeing with eyes of love instead of eyes of fear. That sounds nice, and it's supposed to be easier to be peaceful, loving and happy that way. Apparently it only takes a year if you do one exercise a day.
There are hundreds of books-about-the-book. I bought one with pink typography written by a girl about my age with seriously lovely hair who lives in New York City, because I am a bit shallow and I liked the idea of there being a bit of girlie glam thrown into the woo-woo. She'd also shortened the workbook to 40 days of exercises. I'm sorta doing both sets. I wasn't concerned with 'believing in it' so much as I just started doing it, and it helped. I felt a little more patient, a little more content. Just relaxed and more often able to be mindful.
I kept it mostly to myself because everyone's favourite thing to hear is pontification on spiritualiteeeeeeeee, maaaaan, right? But one night not too long ago as I got into bed, I let go a real pearler. Something along the lines of: 'I kinda feel like you just have to go with what's going on, even when its bad because resisting what's going on is actually what's causing a good part of the pain. Y'know? It gets easier if you can take a deep breath and be like, I don't like this, but ok, Universe!'
Don't worry, I got my comeuppance for that platitude, and I better have been serious, because shortly after I said it, I was suddenly single. After ten years. It was a total shock. But then, it also explained why a Jewel song from the nineties that came on the radio the week before had gotten stuck in my head ever since (thank goodness, it's gone now).
At base level I'm a pretty happy, glass-half-full gal, and hearing myself complain brings me down. But this has made me so, so sad. But, I am also doing okay. I've been going really hard with the ugly-cry, but I have also been paying attention to how wonderful and caring my friends are, and how funny and lovely my parents are, and how kind my sister and my brother-in-common-law are. And these wackadoo exercises have kept me focused on not getting caught up in fears about the future. I have appreciated the reminders to acknowledge all that I am grateful for. Not-complaining isn't the same as being consciously and vocally appreciative of all that you have, and there's a lot. I'm paying attention to rightnow, and moment by moment I can make it work, and the moments seem to be getting longer. Sadness happens, and I'm just sitting there feeling it. It won't last forever. So thanks, CIA covert-brainwashing manual, and works derivative thereof. If I hadn't picked you up a couple months ago I might be in worse shape right now.
Overall, I'm super not liking this, but ok, Universe.
7 comments:
Аn informatіon anԁ instгuсtіοnal sіte for the home pіzza cοοk.
Aԁd anothеr cup of the flour and ѕtir until you have a dough
ball. I ԁon't like pizza sauces, so I opt to use two cans of diced tomatoes as the first layer-one can of plain and the other of Italian.
My website Allvoices.Com
Can add to the beauty of the landscape when used correctly.
And your shoes will not be tracking soil into the house. The less competition, the better off your plants will be.
my webpage: mulching
When applied in cool, wet weather, it can cause burning
of the leaves and the russeting of fruit. So, I propose to you that you might want to consider
doing your own organic gardening right in your own back yard.
Without fertilizing additives (natural or chemical), plants will
be stunted and unhealthy.
Review my web blog - scraggy
Located near Statesville North Carolina in the town
of Hiddenite, which is named after the gem found at the mine.
Some mining firms lost 30 per cent of their share values in the early August stock market meltdown.
One particular of the primary regions within the mining market in Australia which
has observed the fantastic boost in the employment of ladies is dump trucking.
And while investigators say the murder victim is linked to a "feud," they are not sharing the
details about that part of the investigation. Also, keep in mind that the ingredients for the mix should be bought
from a home improvement store to insure quality.
For faster setting concrete, use less water, for more workability, use
more water.
And while investigators say the murder victim is linked to a "feud," they are not sharing the
details about that part of the investigation.
Also, keep in mind that the ingredients for the mix should be bought from a home improvement store to insure quality.
For faster setting concrete, use less water, for more workability, use more
water.
At that time, I was a very ordinary promoter at
a small company, of course, I earned not much money which was just enough to support myself.
If so, taking steps like trying to prevent further injury or loss of blood are the
most important thing you can do. Located within blocks of the
train station where the Tren a las Nubes departs, this stretch of 7 or 8 blocks began 100
years ago as the cultural centre of the city, unfortunately falling into disrepair over the
years, then only to be rescued 10 years ago by the city's current mayor. Different from other girls, she did not wear the very sexy short dress and very high-heeled shoes, she only wore a white skirt, which suited her slim figure very much, and her hair was very straight, she had white and smooth skin, a pair of big eyes which could speak for her, I saw the unique charm in her. Her new Bluetooth Headset is obviously the latest model.
My page: Polonizing
Post a Comment